Q. My boyfriend of 18 years passed away last year. We had a very active and unusual sex life. Since he died, I slept with one man. Now that it is over a year since he has passed, I am curious about maybe seeing what is out there. However, lately I cannot even get my toys up. I don’t want to go to bed with someone and not be able to perform. Any suggestions and thoughts appreciated.

A. Sorry about your loss.  Oftentimes people’s ability to perform is tied to emotional issues.  You would benefit from talking to a therapist related to your grief and loss and there are also therapists who are trained to help with sexual health issues.